Bedtime letters and the One Who hung the moon

 

You’ve all gone to bed. All of you. Even you, Pippa. It was a night of breakfast for supper. Daddy bathing Baby. Baby peeing on Daddy. Mommy quickly shampooing carpet while it was okay to be noisy. Baby smiling her heart out for Daddy. And Mommy and Baby closing out the night with snuggles and a song.

And here I am, wanting to use the present quiet for something productive. Useful. Maybe write something New York Times worthy. Or dream of what to cook for my family tomorrow. Yet nothing comes. No great words. No three-step plan on how to accomplish the hidden things in my heart. Nothing beautiful. Nothing noteworthy or insta-happy. And it’s frustrating. I want to make the most of the moments I have on my own. Yet I am lost in the quiet of the night as the tick-tock of the clock overhead drifts the family into dreamland. All but me. I am not in dreamland. I am in the land of, “I want to use this quiet hour to myself to do something useful. Accomplished. Something I can be proud of.”

And then I remember that person I follow on Instagram who is about to be a mother after 10 years of waiting for their miracle. And how she is starting a journal of letters for her babe that he can have when he is 18. And I think, “Aw, I should do that.”

But in all honesty, baby girl, it is not because I want to dote on you with love letters, though I do. Oh how I do. I check my heart. In all honesty, I want to be the best. At everything. Even if it’s not my thing. Accomplish lots in a day so that I can lay my head on my pillow and feel proud. But darling, this mommy-ing thing takes all my time and thoughts. Meal planning. Meal trying. Laundry. Cleaning. Bathing. Dreaming of our next home. Shopping for us. Scheduling, oh the scheduling. I get lost in loving you. And there’s only the three of us! Baby girl, I love hearing your voice come alive. *wipe the tears* I love the way you kiss my face and gaze at me as though I hung the moon for you. Oh, don’t you worry, you’ll meet the One who hung the moon. I will do my best to show you Him.

So when the stillness comes and the day draws to a close, I almost don’t know what to do. Because I get lost in loving you. But the good kind of lost, sweetheart. The kind that takes you down a better road than you could pick for yourself. The kind that has sweet surprises and redemption written all over it. This kind of road is good. It’s called adventure.

This mommying thing is changing me. And I’m so thankful. But somedays, I need to remember, that the most productive thing I am to do is not to fill every waking moment (though that is sometimes necessary). But to let Jesus, the Moon-Hanger, love me, and love the gifts He has given me. You and Daddy are the best ones. xo

Love,

Mommy

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Monday Minute: Just keep doing what you’re doing

My girl turns five-months-old tomorrow and a couple weeks ago she was teething, fussy, and not napping very good (she’s a catnapper to begin with). I was exhausted by the end of the day (thankfully she sleeps through the night!), and cried on Troy’s shoulder at the end of it.

As a new mommy with my time suddenly on her schedule, my quiet moments with the Lord are often tired moments or short moments before she wakes up or before I go to bed (if at all!). It’s not the same as before she was born. I find I meet the Lord while taking care of her the most 🙂 After reading Heart Made Whole by Christa Black Gifford, I’ve been trying to practice just meeting God in daily moments, quieting my heart, asking Him to lead me, be with me, speak to me. And He does. Oh, He does.

But on this frustrating day when I was googling schedules and how to help babies nap, along with wondering if she was getting enough to eat or if I should be stretching her schedule more (you know, aaaallllll those questions and doubts you have in trying to figure things out!)… I honestly felt the Holy Spirit just speak to my heart, “Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

And I felt peace as her mommy, to just keep doing what I was doing. Close Google, and just keep being her mommy, the best I know how.

Frustrating days will come. But so does peace when you ask God to meet you in it. The results might not always be there, like I like them to be, but sometimes, we just need to keep doing what we’re doing. And be okay with not having it all figured out, and just doing our best, and letting Father God hug us on a day when we don’t know what to do!

 

 

My 30 day food and skin care change up

Me and my girl

Oh to have the skin of a baby, hey? This is me, au natural, to give you an idea of where I am at, starting day 1.

 

As some of you know, I have struggled with skin issues since I was 12-years-old. It’s been now 23 years of on and off break-outs, dealing with scars, and trouble-shooting the cause. So. Annoying.

I blogged a little over a year ago about my skin, when I started using Rodan & Fields and found success. The thing is… a) It’s not natural in any way b) It’s a temporary fix, only working when you’re using it. As soon as you stop using it, breakouts happen again c) It’s an expensive US product.

Since getting pregnant and now breastfeeding, I feel like I’ve taken the seriousness of my health to a whole new level. And I love it! I love good food. God has given us such an array of beautiful food not only for enjoyment, but for our body’s nourishment. But I also have indulged in sweets and all the ice cream a summer can hold. I’m burning all these calories nursing, right? 😉

The past 6-8 weeks my skin has taken a turn for the worse again, and I’m at a loss. I have been using coconut oil as a wash for almost a year (which I love!), along with Witch Hazel (using that fairly recently), essential oils, and as much natural healers as I can (oats, honey, etc). Since I am nursing, it could very well be hormones, but I also know different things we eat will affect our hormone levels. Like…sugar, dairy, wheat (that breaks down into sugar in our bodies). Can you tell I’ve been pulling my hair out trying to figure out the cause? Alllllll these years.

So, I’ve decided the one thing I haven’t done (and all dermatologists have recommended), is to cut out sugar/dairy/wheat. For the next 30 days (August 10-September 10), my goal is to eat a more raw food diet along with good proteins like beans and grass-fed meat (as much as I can find and budget will allow!).

I’ve received the go-ahead from my doctor’s office, and am excited and hopeful for how this could help! I will share recipes I find and try, along with the frustrations and the victories 😉 You can follow along on Instagram with #foodforskinmamma

This morning’s breakfast was steel-cut oats with mango and blackberries. I’ve never made steel-cut oats so they overflowed in the microwave to a pasty texture. Here’s to new beginnings tomorrow 😉 Lunch was this yummy avacado lentil salad and this is what I have planned for supper, only with brown rice. Am I the only one whose recipes NEVER look like the picture!? Oh, and I also made these energy bites yesterday that helps satisfy my sweet tooth. I’ve made them several times before and LOVE them!

Now, excuse me while I go and shush my crying 4-month-old daughter.

Mommy’s measuring stick

It’s hard to believe, but in a matter of 2-3 weeks we will be meeting our daughter. I’ve dreamed of this little one for years, and so has Troy. But even better, God has dreamed of this moment in time when He would give us our daughter!

My pregnancy has been stress-free with wonderful doctor check-ups, regular weight gain (okay, okay, I’ve sure loved the sweets!), and other than nausea in the beginning; I’ve felt pretty great overall. With doing some contract work from home, helping Troy with business, and being a homemaker, it’s provided me with a time of peace before our little bundle arrives!

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Becoming a mommy at 35, there are umpteen people around me – wonderful mothers – that I have been able to glean from. Learn from. Ask questions of. And still at the end of the day, no one has all the answers, and everyone’s experiences (and kids!) are so different.

I wanted to share a snippet of a note from my sister-in-law, who lives in Michigan, as she shared some thoughts in a letter read at my baby shower. I read it again recently and it made me tear up, because it is oh so true. And I’m pretty certain there might be other mammas out there who need to hear this…

“…So, as a mom, it is all about Him (Jesus). While your adventure as a mom may take many twists and turns as you learn the ropes – remember that He defines success and failure. Every day will be one that is perfectly ordained by Him and a gift from Him. Remembering this will make the good and bad days all worth every drop of blood, sweat, tears, or spit up. You’ll get so many questions from other moms about how you are doing, what you are doing, what stage your baby is at, if they can crawl, walk, talk, eat on their own and subconsciously you may feel like you are standing next to a huge measuring stick. You are little peanut’s mom, living in grace, parenting how the Lord leads you and you don’t need to ever feel like He has made a mistake in how He’s leading you to parent or how she is growing and learning. He is ordaining every step of the way – not others…”

If you’re out there in the mommy world, or entering into it soon like I am, let’s remember that Jesus will show us moment by moment how to do what we need to do for our little ones. That although there are copious amounts of books, Pinterest boards and people who will tell us this that and the other, at the end of the day, God has entrusted these little ones to us.

As I look into her little room that awaits her wee body, I breathe a sigh of anticipation… I can hardly wait to see who she looks like, who she becomes, and how Troy and I grow on this adventure together! xo