Carrot soup is beginning to simmer on the stove; it’s become a favourite.
And I’m left with time to decide how to use it! Do any other new moms struggle with deciding how to use their free moments the best? I can be horrible at sticking to a goal or plan; even though I’m a planner.
What I wanted to write about was a moment I had last week; the random ones that come unexpectedly when Father God hugs your heart. I’d asked for it, just not in that moment. He seems to like to show up when I least expect it 😉
I was driving into the city to meet my husband at the mall to take our now 8-month-old daughter to meet Santa. She’d begun exploring syllables, and was doing a sweet ‘ba ba ba’ in the backseat. I looked in the rearview mirror and called back to her, “You are such a good talker, honey!” And the thought immediately came to me, “I want to mother out of healing, not out of perfection.” And like clockwork, Adele, Water Under the Bridge, came on the radio. Be it Adele’s powerful vocals or just simply the presence of God wrapping me up, I cried. Like He just hugged me and said to mother out of the renewed heart He is giving me, and not out of my expectations or having everything ‘just so’. For the past several years, I have felt like the gospel has been illuminated in a real way – and the truth of what Christ accomplished on the cross holds me closer in a way it never did before. I could almost cry just typing that. I am learning to see my sin for what it is, and how much hope we have in the cross. How much we miss of the cross, even as Christians! Oh let Him do His work, people. Let Him do His work.
Back to that moment…
Was Elizabeth actually talking in the backseat? She was trying. And doing great, in her way, at the stage she is at. And I want to mother, wife, daughter, friend, sister, homemake, write… out of healing, out of renewal … not out of my perfect stressed-out expectations. Even if they are slow-going attempts at first.
What does that look like? It’s taking shape. It means sipping tea with my husband before I feel I need to clean up the kitchen. It means getting on the floor with Elizabeth…a lot. It means being okay with having an emotional day, a tired day, a stressed day. Knowing God has it all. For me it means being okay with not knowing everything that is to come.
That moment for me as we drove to see Santa at the mall was a reminder that I am at my best, when I let God reveal, heal, and love me how He wants to.
Because if truth be told – the fake fire is on because all day, in the cold of winter, when you’re at home alone… can be long and lonely.
And the soup? It’s in the only big pot I HAVEN’T burnt something in lately. Yeah. “New mother-multitasking” I call it 😉
And this post? It’s not perfect. But my daughter is waking, and I want to go mother AND write without having all the things done I wanted to.
Colossians 3:17 (Amplified) says, “Whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus [and in dependence on Him], giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”
I want to do what is before me out of the renewed-love-for-the-gospel-heart that God has given to me – be it as a wife, mother, friend, or family member. Doing it in dependence on Him.
So crackle on dear fake fire, I can enjoy you just as you are.